My husband Dean and I have been married for three years. This marriage means everything to me. I fell in love with Dean after he was already divorced, and I don’t feel I owe anything to his ex-wife. I never interfered in their marriage or caused their breakup. Yet, I find myself deeply entangled in their past. Now, I feel like a victim of their previous relationship, having to sacrifice too much for the sake of maintaining their diplomatic ties.
Dean and his wife have 3 kids together, all of them are teenagers and they live with their mother. I’m currently pregnant with our baby and everything in the family seemed to go right, up until recently. Some time ago, my husband’s ex called us and announced thrilling news. She said that she’s 4 months pregnant, and this might have been something that wouldn’t affect our family at all, since she’s having her own life now and no, my husband isn’t the father of this baby.
But her pregnancy announcement made me personally extremely mad and depressed. I’m anxious about it and I can’t sleep peacefully at night since then, because my husband remains the key figure in this situation, even against his will.”
Angela continues her story, saying, “The main issue is the existing legal agreement between my husband and his ex, which requires him to continue paying the mortgage on their house until their youngest son turns 18. We are actively involved in his kids’ lives, seeing them regularly, and I have daily contact with them. They’re amazing children, and I understand why they’re not thrilled about having a new sibling, given their age.”
But I’m mad, mainly because of my husband’s obligations, which means that he owns the house and pays the mortgage, and nobody else can live in this property. This was advised by the lawyer while they were getting divorced. And up until now, everyone was sure this was fair. Now, my husband’s ex-wife wants her partner, the father of this baby, to move in with her, and this means my husband will now be paying an entire mortgage for another guy’s baby and his ex-wife’s new man.”
Angela goes on with her story, expressing, “To make matters worse, his ex has threatened to move far away with three of their kids if my husband insists on selling the house. Additionally, I’m worried that my husband can’t contribute financially to our current home because he’s stretched thin by the mortgage payments. While I’ve accepted this situation, I also feel it’s unfair that we’re financially supporting a new baby and his ex’s new partner. Now, with his ex manipulating the situation, it seems like he has no choice, as the distance could separate us from their children.”
I’m also concerned that my husband does not pay for anything in my house, where we currently live, as he cannot afford any expenses because of paying this mortgage. I’ve been fine with this, but I also feel it’s quite unfair that we have to subsidize a new baby and his ex’s new partner. And now his ex is also manipulating and leaving him no choice, because their kids may live far from us.
Many have told me I shouldn’t feel this way, that everyone has a right to live their own life. But I can’t help feeling sorry for my spouse — he’s a genuinely good person who just wants to be fair to everyone. However, I’m becoming increasingly uncertain about our future, and I can’t continue sacrificing more and more for the sake of his ex-wife’s happiness and comfort. What should I do?”
The situation our reader finds herself in is undoubtedly challenging. In our view, Angela has every right to prioritize the interests of her own family, and the actions of her husband’s ex-wife appear manipulative. If you were in Angela’s shoes, what would you do? Do you have advice for her husband? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments section.
