My mother-in-law insists on naming my child after her own child, who died eighteen years ago.

The period of time leading up to childbirth is marked by happy excitement and pleasant anticipation.

Imagining what life will be like with a new member of the family and dreaming about the future fill this time. Everything is filled with the cozy anticipation of parenthood, from choosing names to furnishing the nursery. But Maggie’s relationship with her mother-in-law became really strained during this time due to the names chosen. In an attempt to get help for her difficult circumstances, she wrote to the internet.

Here’s what she had to say:

“Hello

I’m writing to ask for advice regarding something that’s upsetting my partner. After five years of dating, my spouse and I recently found out we were expecting a child. My mother-in-law is getting really annoying because she is already preoccupied with our unborn child.
We learned that we are expecting a girl some time ago. Having three sons, my husband’s mother has always desired a granddaughter. But until she is born, we have chosen to keep the baby’s gender a secret.

My husband’s parents and I were out to dinner recently when the subject of baby names came up. My mother-in-law persisted in wanting to know the gender so she could assist in choosing a name. We clarified that, independent of gender, we wanted to select the name ourselves. We also talked about naming the child Jack, in honor of my late father, who died of cancer when I was sixteen. If the child turned out to be a boy. She gave me a very strange look at that point and called me “selfish.” Her exact words were, “If you get to name that baby after your father, then the girl’s name should be Mildred.”

She related how, about eighteen years ago, she gave birth to a baby girl named Mildred and lost her. Although it’s a tragic tale, I don’t identify with the name Mildred, and my spouse was unaware of the passing until recently. I want to give our daughter a name that feels right, but I’m conflicted because I don’t want to offend my husband’s mother. My spouse concurs that the concept is absurd. But ever since that dinner, my mother-in-law has ignored my husband and me and has made it clear that she is angry with us.

Is my future mother-in-law incorrect to feel that I should not give her unborn child the name she chose?

In your opinion, what ought to be done in this circumstance?

Sincerely, Maggie”